Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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