Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
