I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
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I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
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Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You were trust falling into bushes
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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