my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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