He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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