But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
