i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
So much rum. So many feels.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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