Your face is a jimmy john
Your tits are I can't wait for
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
