Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
