I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
