It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
