Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
