It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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