Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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