I could have mohawked her pubes.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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