her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
