He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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