Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
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Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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