Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
