I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
