I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
