chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
