when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
