8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
drinking out of a sandbucket again
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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