are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
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Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
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doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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