worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
