Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I cut my penus on the lid.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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