Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
