i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
