The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
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just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
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I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
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