They should really pass out barf bags in church
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
