I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Randomize
