I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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