just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
