had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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