i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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