Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
