i love accidental penises.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
