I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
