Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
