He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
