I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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