i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
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If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
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Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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