My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize