Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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