I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
