There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize