I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
