Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
