Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
