So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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