She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
