Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
