We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
