So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
