Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
