This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
True strength comes from lack of pants
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
