Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
