Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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