Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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