Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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